When there is difficulty in feeling sexual attraction without an affective bond, we may be talking about someone demisexual. Understand.
Several personalities around the world have already declared themselves as demisexual and who, due to general lack of knowledge, ended up being the target of criticism. For example, in 2022, Michaela Kennedy-Cuomo, daughter of former New York governor Andrew Cuomo, declared herself demisexual. Few understood sexual orientation as something real and, quickly, many people began to make derogatory comments. This was not an isolated case.
If you’ve never heard of demisexuality, or if you don’t know exactly what it consists of, we’ll explain.
Understand what it’s like to be demisexual
We live in an era where relationships are no longer seen as a taboo, when compared to a few years ago. However, there is still some prejudice – and, in large part, because we are not properly informed.
according to the project ABCLGBTQIA+ being demisexual means “a person who is only sexually attracted to another person if there is a strong emotional connection between them”.
It is a word used to describe a different form of relationship. In demisexuality, sexual attraction only appears after both people have established an emotional, psychological and intellectual bond.
That is, the person is not attracted to someone just because of their appearance or way of being. It is necessary to know the other and feel a highly emotional bond.
Thus, the relationship usually starts from friendship or admiration – and not just through physical attraction. That is, it does not start with a sexual desire, but with intimacy and knowledge of the other, when there is an emotional connection.
How is demisexuality characterized?
In general, people who identify as demisexual don’t feel any desire to be in a relationship with someone they don’t know – that is, someone they just met at a party, for example. After all, this kind of behavior initially happens due to physical attraction alone.
Beyond this, the demisexual will not necessarily have a sexual relationship with someone during the development of passion or romance – it all depends on what both are actually feeling, whether or not they can follow this path.
This happens because deep down, what really matters is affection, the affective bond and love. Since there are demisexuals who have sex and others who don’t.
In fact, for the Demisexuality Resource Center, “the affective bond is not a guarantee that demisexuals will feel sexual attraction, but rather a prerequisite for the relationship to happen”.
Demisexual vs Asexual
Demisexuality and asexuality are commonly confused concepts. This is because most demisexual people rarely experience sexual attraction compared to the general population. Some may even feel no interest in sex at all. However, unlike asexuals, demisexuals are capable of establishing a relationship that involves sexual attraction, even if only after establishing an emotional bond with another person.
It should also be noted that demisexuals can be heterosexual or not.
Demisexuality and pleasure
It is important to understand that the inability to feel sexual desire with any ease is not synonymous with the absence of pleasure, or lack of interest in sexual activity. Demisexuals, when they feel desire, establish intimate relationships where they can obtain gratification and pleasure.
The importance of support from family and friends
As it works with any other sexual orientation, the support of family and friends becomes essential for us to live well and peacefully.
Society does not always tend to easily accept anything that is out of the norm or that is different from what they are used to. That’s why, when it comes to the community LGBTQIA+ this question becomes even more important.
It is, therefore, common for demisexual people or those in doubt about the matter to try to vent to whom they feel confident. Whenever dealing with topics that you do not master, the ideal is to inform yourselfand you can even ask some questions directly to the person so that your doubts are resolved.