Many people think that the difference between love and infatuation is obvious. If you’re in a relationship, it’s love, if you’re not, it’s obviously just infatuation.
It’s true that it often starts with a crush, evolves into a relationship, and then love blossoms, but sometimes things aren’t that simple.
Sometimes you can even fall in love before dating. And (of course) you can definitely be a couple until the two of you are really in love. Stick to figuring out how to tell the difference once and for all.
Before we get started, you should know that if you’re not in a relationship, there’s no reason to despair.
Don’t be in a hurry to fall in love. Enjoy where you are now, get to know each other and let love develop over time.
The worst thing you can do is be unsure one way or the other. This can lead to misunderstandings or even worse. Don’t let this mess get ruined before your relationship starts.
I will help you find the difference between falling in love with someone and simply falling in love with them.
Stick with it until the end and see what to do if it’s just a crush.
So instead of giving you a bunch of basic signals, I’m going to take a different approach.
How to know if it’s true love: 8 tests
Let’s test your relationship with 8 tests. Take the time to address these issues and really dig deeper. If you can honestly pass all 8, you’ll know you’re really in love… or not.
the feeling is mutual
I’m going to ask you to be brutally honest with yourself. You need to answer the following questions.
Does he still like me?
Love is not one-sided.
If you think you love him and he doesn’t care about you, it’s probably just a momentary crush. It’s easy to get addicted to them when they don’t like you. Maybe we think it’s a challenge. Maybe it makes them seem valuable because they don’t want us. Maybe inferiority complex. Whatever it is, it’s not love.
True love forms when you spend time with each other and bond. If you can’t be sure if he likes you, then he’s probably not really spending quality time together and he’s definitely not making those connections.
If you feel the same way about him no matter what he says or does around you, then you prefer his ideas over reality. Just a crush, my friend.
the private detective
You have to really know someone to say you love them.
It’s easy to confuse pleasure in someone’s looks and company with love, but before you can really love someone, you need to understand what’s underneath the surface.
Consider this: imagine yourself as a private investigator. Someone asked you to create a complete profile for them.
No, don’t peek in his trash or follow him to work.
You just have to list everything you know about him.
- What’s your full name?
- Where he lives?
- What does he do for a living?
- Where did he grow up?
- Who is his friend?
- What is a typical day in his life like?
- What was his life like before he met you?
- How is his family?
- What is his objective?
You don’t have to know them inside and out to fall in love, but this exercise will help you discover what you know and don’t know about this person. If you need to find it in an emergency and don’t know where to start, that’s a bad sign.
You may not have planned your dream wedding, but you should be able to answer the following questions:
- What are you two going to do with him next?
- Who do you want him to meet in his life?
- How do you see your relationship two years from now?
- Imagine your future. He is there?
Love isn’t just about the here and now. Love has a future.
Passion is usually anchored in the person as an idea, and love is something you build together. If you can’t wait to show him a youtube video because you want to see his reaction, then that’s a good sign that the two of you are really in love.
Your one and only
If you’ve found someone you really love, dating someone else will be the last thing you want to think about. They will feel remote and unimportant compared to this one who is really there for you.
- Do you still think about other people a lot?
- Do you still feel single?
- When was the last time you spoke to your ex?
- What would you think if you noticed an adorable person smiling at you?
You can have multiple crushes at the same time, but love only focuses on one person.
stuck in your head
Love is like a song you can’t stop singing.
Is this person the first thing you think of in the morning?
Is he on your mind even when he’s not around?
If suddenly pops into your head. If something happens, your first thought is, “I wonder what he’s going to say when I tell him about this.” If you walk past a bakery and smell a scent that reminds you of him… – You might be in love.
It’s not 100% – the crush can be very strong – but it’s definitely a good sign that what you’re feeling is more than a passing fancy.
the presence test
Sometimes we feel like we’re in love with someone we’ve never spent time with or talked to. If they moved, we’d never be in the same place, or they wouldn’t even know we existed. Either way, if you don’t really spend time together, it’s not love.
When was the last time you saw him?
When are you going to see him next time?
Where is him now?
What did he do yesterday?
These seem like simple questions, but it’s easy to get caught up in our emotions and miss the fact that he’s completely off the map.
You need to meet someone regularly to make a real connection. Also, people change over time, so if he has a whole new life that you know nothing about, the version of him that you love doesn’t exist.
The roadblock test
Is there something to separate them?
I mean, why don’t you do more than fall in love with him? If you’re both single, looking for someone, aren’t really close friends, haven’t dated your friend, or vice versa, why isn’t he taking action? Maybe their family doesn’t allow it. Perhaps you are in another city. Maybe he doesn’t know how you feel. Perhaps he is shy. Anyway, despite that feeling, see why you’re not together.
I mean, it’s possible to fall in love with someone even when you’re not together, but if you do, it must matter what keeps you apart. Otherwise, it might just be a crush.
Falling into Confidence
do you trust him? This is a simple and difficult question to answer.
If you can’t trust someone, you can’t love them, not really. A big part of love is security, and if you’re insecure about this man, how do you know you really love him?
With that in mind, answer these questions.
Are you hiding something from him?
Are you worried about what he finds?
Would he be your only contact if you were arrested?
Imagine your car breaks down on the road and you can’t get a trailer. Will he come for you?
What if your hairdresser sneezes while cutting your bangs and your left side suddenly droops? Will he still be there?
This is a stupid question, but you need to know the answer.
Crushes are very exciting, but they are also scary and insecure. We spent a lot of time wondering if he felt the same way, or if he would walk away if we said the wrong thing. If you’re in love, you’ll be comfortable with or without him. You will know that no matter what happens he will be there for you and no one else.
So how did you do it? If you’ve followed through and answered the questions honestly, you should now know if you’re in love with this person or just him.
If you are in love, congratulations!
If not, don’t despair.
That’s totally fine. Love takes time. Falling in love before a date is extremely rare and often the source of disaster. Again, don’t rush. Instead of putting too much pressure on the relationship, try to get to know him as a friend. Spend time with him, talk to him and be present. Love happens when you least expect it.
What if you’re in love and the two of you aren’t together?
This one is tricky. Now that you’ve realized that what you’re feeling is more than a passing crush, you need to figure out your next steps.
Don’t express your love for him right away. While this can work, it can backfire and scare him off, even if he has strong feelings for you or even loves you.
Remember, there’s a reason the two of you aren’t together right now.
If the reason is that he is shy and less experienced than you, then you need to take the time. Talk to him more, make an effort to see him in person, and spend more and more time together.
If the reason is that any of you are building walls out of fear, reaching out may be enough to change that. Spending more time together is a good first step. If he felt the same way then he wouldn’t say no.
But there’s a good chance the two of you broke up for a bigger reason.
What you really need right now is a plan. How would you remove that cause and make it your own?