First of all, don’t try to find a topic at all costs, don’t panic starting to think of something to talk about, because the only thing that will come to your mind will be the Teletubbies.
“Stop trying to talk about ‘new’ stuff,” says Dr. Josh Klapow, clinical psychologist, to Bustle. “The mental strain of trying to think of something new can easily overwhelm and ruin the conversational mood.
It’s okay to let the conversation take its natural course, silences are also good because you can’t always speak in bursts. Sometimes a few minutes of silence are needed to enjoy each other’s company. And those silences are often very meaningful, in a positive way.
There’s also nothing wrong with playing the same theme over and over again, perhaps introducing something I didn’t get a chance to say the first time. Or simply introduce a new point of view that you have matured over time.”
Klapow says it’s natural to have ups and downs in a long-term relationship, including moments of boredom, and that it’s rarely a sign of a deeper problem. But there are ways to remedy anyway. If you want to talk fun things, here are some ways to start a conversation with your partner, even if they seem to have talked about everything before.
1. Engage in a healthy debate
If you feel like your conversations have stalled, try to engage in healthy debate.
“Find a provocative quote and present your point of view brilliantly. “Dr. Marlene Caroselli, author and speaker, tells Bustle. You can also create a funny topic and then suddenly come up with phrases like “Do you think aliens exist? and discuss. Or laugh, in any case, the conversation has already begun.
By doing this, you can start a conversation that can last for hours, or laugh and find ideas for talking about something else. You will definitely get to know each other better.
2. Ask about his day
This is a conversation you can have every day . So, if you’re not in the habit of asking, consider asking your partner how their day was after spending time apart. How was work? What went well?
Simple questions, but that make the other feel important and consolidate the relationship. Everyone likes when they ask us how our day was.
As Christie Tcharkhoutian, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says, this simple discussion will deepen your connection, stay on the same page, and ultimately help you get through the ups and downs of life as a couple.
3. Make plans for the future
When was the last time you made plans with your partner for the future? Talking about things you would like in the future is good for the couple as it indicates that there is a desire to be together for a long time. It is not important that the plans come to fruition, just conceiving them is very good.
“It’s fun to dream and get excited,” says Tcharkhoutian. “It can also help you get out of the daily grind” so we can work together to build something.
4. Talk about the past
The past is an untapped source of good stories, you try to put it aside because now it’s happened, but it’s usually full of great anecdotes for us to laugh about together. It’s good to share childhood memories, family anecdotes and events that happened when we didn’t know our partner yet.
“You can learn things you’ve never known before, like their favorite children’s game, the place they loved to visit that could be a surprise trip or a fun night out.”
5. Play the quiz game
Have you ever played the quiz game? It’s simple, as all it involves is (you guessed it!) asking each other questions.
“First, you have to ask deep, unsettling questions: you have to try to get someone’s real secrets,” he says. “Second, you have to answer as honestly as possible. It’s like truth and duty and you set the rules.”
Of course, it’s okay to say no and keep secrets from yourself if that’s what you prefer to do. Nobody ever said you have to be a complete open book just because you’re in a relationship. But this game will help build a sense of closeness between you, if you trust one or two secrets to each other.
6. Tell each other exactly how you feel
If you can’t shake the nagging feeling of “running out of things to say,” Munro says it’s often a sign that you’re holding back what you feel inside, and that’s not okay.
Ask how your partner is feeling right now. What would you like to work on in your relationship? What is worrying you? The more honest and open you are, the better your relationship will be.
7. Share random thoughts
Likewise, consider sharing “random” thoughts and emotions, even if they don’t seem worthy of conversation. As Munro says, “noise inside the head” can get very interesting. Even if it seems like what’s on your mind is trivial, telling your partner will still be a good thing to share.
Of course, this doesn’t mean confusing painful things, or talking just for the sake of talking. Instead, it’s about drawing inspiration from your internal dialogue – your upfront payments, thoughts, concerns, etc. Bring it all up and see where the conversation leads.
8. Talk about intimacy
This is a topic you should talk about regularly to make sure you’re happy and on the same page. But it’s also fun to share your fantasies, especially if you’ve never talked about them before.
So, how is your sex life? Are you two satisfied? Do you want to try something new? It might seem strange at first, but questions like these can spark healthy engagement that you’ve probably never had before, and that can have really interesting implications.
9. Ask your partner what would change in your life
If your partner could change one thing from your past or their past, what would it be? What would he do differently if he could go back in time?
“These questions let you know more about your partner, if they regret something, what inspires them and what brings them happiness,” Kimberly Hershenson, LCSW, a therapist in New York, told Bustle.
As a bonus, it will help you make better decisions for the future. By knowing what your partner would like to change, you can work together for a better future.
10 . talk about regrets
Likewise, you can learn more about others’ pasts by talking about regrets. “This is a ‘deep’ question not suited for lighthearted moments,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, told Bustle. “But a person’s biggest regret in life can reveal a lot about them.”
Then, when the mood is right, share your biggest mistakes and missed opportunities, and it can open the door to some pretty frank discussions. As Bennett says, “It can be a great way for us to be vulnerable to each other.”
11. Talk about a new hobby
Life can certainly seem monotonous when you follow the same pace day after day. “Find a new hobby to share together,” relationship expert Stef Safran tells Bustle. “Cooking, training, something you can share.”
Or spend a night alone, go visit friends, try a solo hobby, or just spend some time alone. When you meet again, you will have a lot to talk about.
12. Learn more about what made them what they are
“This question can help you learn a lot more about your partner and the people who have shaped your life,” says Bennett. “You can gain a greater understanding of your partner’s values and choices.”
13. Ask about their ideal career
It’s easy to get stuck in a career just for the paycheck and not the passion. So you ask what your partner would do if money wasn’t a priority?
“Most people rarely pursue their dream job,” says Bennett. “Your partner could have a dream career you never knew, as a musician, professional athlete or dancer.” Learning more will help you see them with new eyes.
So consider ways to support each other to look for a more ideal job, if possible. If one of you is feeling stuck in life or your relationship, going back to school or making a career change could be just what you need to feel inspired again.
14. Make the other laugh
Another way to break out of the conversation rut is to try to make each other laugh , Risa Williams, LMFT, therapist and life coach. When you’re about to succumb to boredom or routine, it’s easy to miss the funny moments we don’t even see.
Try to bring lightness back into your day by telling funny stories, joking with your partner, and making witty comments. Chances are you did this all the time when you started dating, so come back!
15. Laugh at embarrassing moments
Another way to make the other laugh? Relive your embarrassing moments, whether they happened five minutes ago or five years ago.
Not only is it fun to laugh at her, but it’s a way for us to get to know each other more deeply in an enjoyable, unconventional way.
16. Choose a starting point for the conversation
When in doubt, turn to the trusted internet for some questions about topics to use. Start with 36 questions that lead to love, from the New York Times. “Maybe pick one or two questions a day,” he says, “and really explore them together.”
It can also be turned into a ritual to respond one night a week while we eat dinner, as a way of reconnecting. “There is always more to learn about a person,” says Fassazadeh. “You just need to find the right questions to ask.”
17. Play a challenging game
There’s nothing quite like an exciting game like Trivial Pursuit – or another game that stimulates your mind. “These kinds of bizarre, random questions can spark a new and stimulating conversation,” Ashley L. Annestedt, LCSW, social worker, and help break out of a boring rut. Why really, who doesn’t love game night?
18. Talk about books and movies
How many times do you watch TV together and when the movie ends you go your own way? If you answered “always”, you’re missing a great opportunity to talk about what you’ve just seen: share your opinions about a movie you’ve seen together, or a series will bring you even closer together.
“Reading a book together or watching a movie and then having mindful conversations about your thoughts about what you just saw or read can be a great way to connect and talk about something other than everyday life.”
19. Earn real money
Since couples often hate talking about money, chances are you and your partner haven’t discussed it recently. So if you don’t know what to say, this can be a great way to talk to your partner.
“The problem with money is that it’s the kind of conversation you can keep having and it never gets boring, especially as you start reaching new milestones in your life.”
Topics can include everything from discussing how to cut monthly bills, negotiating a raise at work, to buying the best deal on a new piece of furniture.”
20. Learn to accept silence
That said, don’t feel pressured – you don’t have to talk 24/7. Insights are just for you to have a starting point, but you don’t have to talk all the time. Sometimes enjoying silence is really beautiful and healthy.
“We often feel like we have to fill all our space with funny conversations,” but “Actually, every now and then it’s good to just look, look at each other, smile, hug, hold hands, etc.” So if that’s what’s going on, go with the flow.
There will be moments of silence in your relationship, as well as moments of great conversation and deeper discussions. Find a balance between things, and don’t force it, otherwise you’ll just have a forced and not very spontaneous conversation.