In all romantic relationships, there are ups and downs of give and take. In a healthy, nurturing relationship, this is balanced by alternating between two people giving equal levels of nurturing and care.

However, when this flow becomes unbalanced, one of the partners becomes selfish in the relationship, which does not bode well for the couple’s longevity. How to identify the characteristics of a selfish person?

Let’s look at some signs and solutions for being selfish in a relationship.

Signs You’re Being Selfish in a Relationship

How to Tell If You’re Being Selfish in a Relationship

If you ask yourself, “Am I being selfish?” this is already a good sign. This means that you feel that the care between the couple is unbalanced. Think about it, love is inherently selfish.

We fall in love because it makes us feel good and fills us with endorphins. Yes, love is selfish, but when you’re in a relationship, there’s no reason not to be generous with your partner.

Fortunately, with a little self-awareness and then actively working to change your selfish behavior, you can reverse a selfish relationship.

Signs You’re Being Selfish

Let’s start with 20 Signs You’re Being Selfish in a Relationship.

Knowing these signs will help you determine what is going wrong. Perhaps you have inadvertently become selfish or reckless.

So recognizing these signs can help you get better!

You are rigid in your thinking

One of the benefits of being in an intimate relationship is the different perspectives your partner brings to the conversation.

If you find that you are consistently unable to consider their point of view, that is a form of selfishness. You can stop being selfish in a relationship by redefining your thought process.

How do you act with a different opinion

This ties in with the first point above. You’re so convinced that the way you see things is the “right” way that you don’t accept a different opinion and don’t want to check it out.

So if you find yourself doing that, all you have to do is practice active listening instead of impulsive denial of your partner’s point of view.

You never assume when you’re wrong

This is a nasty selfish personality trait. A simple “sorry, I was wrong” can go a long way in clearing up misunderstandings. If you can’t say that, you’re being selfish in a relationship.

There are some hurdles to apologizing, but if you value the relationship above all else, it’s not that hard!

You insist that you both do what you want to do

If you’re wondering, “Am I being selfish in my relationship?” think back to your weekend at the beginning of your story. Are doing what you like to do and what your partner likes to do the same thing?

Do you realize now that you have plans that don’t include activities your partner likes to do? If yes, please answer “Am I being selfish in my relationship?” It’s a definite “yes”!

Lack of acceptance of your partner’s individuality

If you are trying to change your partner, trying to make them someone other than your loved one, then this is a sign of selfishness in the relationship.

If you do, you should ask yourself: would you appreciate it if your partner tried to change you too? That should help you turn things around!

Your needs and wants come before your partner

Making sure you take care of what you need to thrive and feel authentic is one thing. Another is to ignore your partner’s needs and desires.

Being selfish in a relationship means you always put yourself first, even if it hurts the other person.

You are a maniac at controlling the person

Controlling a relationship is unhealthy because not only do you feel the need to control what you do as a couple, but you also feel the need to control your partner’s life.

“Do this, not that,” you tell them, controlling everything from how they load the dishwasher to how they pat the pillows on the bed.

You expect your partner to be there for you.

You come home from work, irritated by your conflict with your boss. You spend most of your time describing the details of the situation to your partner.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you did the same thing for them?

If you don’t remember, it’s a sign of selfishness in a relationship.

You do not have any patience

You will be upset if your partner doesn’t immediately respond to your text or voicemail. Or, if they don’t take your advice, you’ll attack them.

All this shows that you are impatient. Also, lack of patience with your partner definitely means you are being selfish in a relationship.

you are not willing to listen

You don’t want to listen to your partner when he points out certain characteristics of you.

Your partner is tired of dealing with a selfish person in a relationship.

They may have approached you in an attempt to openly communicate what they are going through. You turn them off immediately.

You exhibit manipulative behavior

How selfish are you? When your partner complains about your selfish behavior, you threaten to leave or freeze them for a few days without talking to them.

Gaslighting in a relationship reaffirms your selfish behavior. Such behavior is detrimental to any relationship.

You are less concerned about your partner’s career

You’re very focused on climbing the corporate ladder, but you never talk about how your partner’s career is going.

You tend to make decisions that will benefit your career development, but when it comes to your partner, you can be aloof.

You take your partner for granted.

Gone are the days when you would bring them a surprise gift or plan a weekend getaway just to see their eyes light up with joy.

You are now focused on yourself and not concerned with bringing your partner the attention and affection of a happy relationship.

make your partner smile

Whether it’s a gift or a meaningful conversation with the rich, you’ve done the bare minimum.

But if they forget to ask for that special birthday gift on their wish list, you’ll get mad and accuse them of never listening.

Asking for opinion and being ignored

Sometimes, just for fun, you can ask your partner for their opinion. But in fact, you didn’t even hear what they said!

Or, if you happen to listen to your partner, you wouldn’t even think of following them. You end up doing things your own way.

You like to win every argument

Whenever you find yourself in conflict with your partner, you will do anything to win the argument, even if your tactics aren’t sound.

What matters is that you win and they lose. However, you need to be aware that the winning habit can hurt your relationship in the long run.

emotional blackmail

You remove the blame card when you see resistance in trying to get your partner to do what you want.

You don’t think twice about taking your partner on a guilt trip. Ultimately, you only care about what you want.

You always compete with your partner

Are you in a competitive relationship? A little competition can be good; during exercise, it increases adrenaline and makes you work harder.

But getting angry because your partner got a raise, was named “Employee of the Week,” or won first prize in an art competition is pure selfishness. This usually happens if both parties have common career goals.

You accuse your partner of being selfish

Knowing that this is a trait you have (and don’t like), you accuse your partner of being self-centered and not meeting your needs.

Blaming your partner or playing the blame game rarely helps a relationship. This is a surefire recipe for ruining any relationship.

You long ago gave up thinking about pleasing your partner

Not only do your thoughts never extend to your partner’s well-being, but you also can’t remember what your partner’s needs might be.

Is it wrong to be selfish?

Yes, when the level of selfishness is so deep that you neglect your partner’s well-being.

If you’re wondering, “Why am I so selfish?” Now may be the time to do a personal checklist with a therapist to investigate the causes of selfishness in relationships.

The Harmful Effects of Being Selfish in a Relationship

What is selfish love? How is this different from respecting your own needs?

Being a little selfish in love isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You don’t always want to disrespect their needs, their beliefs, their beliefs.

But it’s not the kind of selfish love we see here. When a person sees himself reflected in any of the twenty signs of selfishness above, it can put a strain on their relationship.

  • Being selfish in a relationship can lead to the following results:
  1. Your partner may stop caring about you and become indifferent to your dreams and ambitions.
  2. Your partner may be reluctant to think about your well-being.
  3. Showing your selfishness over and over again can seriously affect your love life.
  4. Not just physical intimacy but emotional intimacy is also lost.
  5. Selfishness in a relationship can force your partner to look for love outside of the relationship.
  6. The relationship may start to break beyond repair.
  7. If the relationship is important to you, if you really love your partner, if you are selfish in the relationship, then you need to change.

How to stop being selfish in a relationship

If you feel your actions are selfish enough to hurt your partner and ruin your relationship, it might be time to make some serious corrections.

Here are some tips to help you stop being selfish and restore your relationship.

learn to listen

You can actively listen with a therapist or read some tips online.

The goal is to listen to your partner as he talks, to really listen and identify what he is sharing with you.


In love, there is no competition. Soak your partner in the glory of your recent promotion or award.

Tell them how happy you are for them. Celebrate their achievements as if they were your own!

be a volunteer

While this behavior is not directly related to your relationship, the altruism you display while volunteering in your community spills over into your love life, making you a better and more giving person, making your partner happier.

Practice empathy 24/7

From selfishness to caring, learn to practice empathy.

If your partner is describing a difficult situation they are going through, put yourself in their shoes and see it from their perspective. Imagine how they feel!

Overcome the selfishness

Overcoming selfishness in relationships requires changing some habits, some of which can become ingrained. Of course, there is no magic bullet to speed up the process.

However, it has been repeatedly reiterated that if you put your relationship with your partner first, if you truly love them, then you must do everything in your power to maintain that relationship.

Relationships are hard work. You can’t expect all your love, attention, and concern from your partner because you don’t reciprocate. If you find it difficult to get rid of certain traits, seek help from a counselor.

All of this might seem like a bit of work, but in the end you will benefit from a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Must Read